Where the hell I've been

Yeah, I'm sorry it's been so long. I haven't written for two reasons: 1, I don't always have time to write in private. 2, I haven't been very good at pro ana at all lately. I've slowly stopped restricting and I've began purging a wholeeee lot more. It's embarrassing because I feel like I've failed and let my mia identity come out. Today, for example, I ate a sandwich and some cashews for lunch, and when I got home from school I ate yogurt and some rice. Then for dinner, we had veggie tacos which I purged. Things get out of control when I get home from school. I'm so unhappy with all the food I've been shovling in my body. On Saturday, I bought a tub of icecream and some skittles and pigged out until the food tasted gross and I felt so stuffed I thought I was going to die. Then, I I got rid of it all. It's disgusting, and not a good way to lose the fat. My new plan is this: 1000 calories, purging all mistakes and as emotionally needed. I just feel so drained after school and with homework I need some calories to keep me going. I will use my judgement to know when and what to purge and when to excercise. Yours truly, Lynn